Create a Website Forum, Guestbook Hosting, or Website Chat Room for your website.



[Send a Message]

24 Entries
Arianna 
05/11

Comments:
Do we sometimes avoid phone calls from insensitive "friends" who just keep talking about their children, grandchildren, cousins children, etc. in ad nauseum detail? I feel like such a zaddekis just listening to all the news about people I know and some whom I never will. And what about the people who ask me how my Pesach was? Of course, I say it was wonderful and meaningful. This is what people want to hear. I would never tell anyone how lonely and empty and how the burden is with Shabbos and Yom Tov. I am dealing with serious medical issues, have many drs. appointments, etc. Is anyone reading this forum wanting to communicate with me by phone or e mail privately? I am interested in sharing experiences and difficulties being married and childless. I will speak with women that for whatever reason find themselves without a spouse or significant other.  We heard a story the other day from a non Jewish parent who said his 24 year old son is getting married in June to his girlfriend. They have a 15 month old child together. The father of the groom said he is happy that his son is finally getting married. Both his son and his fiancee have 4 year college degrees and good jobs.  I thought to myself in Torah Judaism who would ever think of having children before marriage? Now that I am older and childless, I see perhaps I would have been better off having a child when I could have, even if I was single t the time, instead of "waiting" until marriage and ending up with nothing! We can only go forward and enjoy today. I am just feeling and angry today. Again, I invite any feedback from all of you. Thank you. Best regards, Arianna


arianna 
04/13

Comments:
It is over three years that I have posted anything on this site.  Am wondering if anyone can offer me some emotional support.  I thought that I would have an easier time dealing with Shabbos, Yom Tov and the entire orthodox lifestyle as I aged.  Instead it is increasingly difficult to to live as an orthodox Jewish older married woman in a community that is bursting with new babies born every month, new engagements, weddings, etc.  I fit in no where, as a result of being childless.  The women my age go to their married children for Pesach, or their children come to them.  It is truly a celebration of family life and continuity.  Yes, I know with all the preparations of planning menus, shopping, cooking and CLEANING for Pesach, whether young or older, all women work hard for preparing and making Pesach.  I too,but with great difficulty, and minimal cleaning help also got the house ready.  We went out for sedarim which took tremendous pressure off me.  I am now dealing with chronic and debilitating health issues.  I use a walker or a rollator as a result of falling several times in 2016. I had a severe case of shingles virus last year, and although it was treating successfully, and the lesions went away, 8 months later I am still suffering in chronic pain from nerve damage. I feel useless as a homemaker, and am no longer able to hosts guests for any Shabbos and Yom Tov meals. I put a lot of energy into being positive and upbeat when I am around other people.  Only my husband knows of my sadness.  I  see older people many times have an adult child, or another relative help them during times of chronic and acute illness. How are other childless elder orphans dealing with illness when there is no family support in any way: not by practical support, and no emotional support? I have no close friends because I am different not having children and grandchildren. I have many acquaintances, I am always pleasant toward there women. Also, because of my serious health issues, I have many doctor appointments, which are time consuming, etc.  And if you do not reciprocate with Shabbos and Yom Tov meal invitations, people eventually stop inviting you, even though we bring a very nice hostess gift. Any ideas would be appreciated. I live with such loneliness, that itself only exacerbates the physical challenges I have.


Sorry, this is a private entry which is only viewable by the owner.

[View Entry]


Bayla Sheva Brenner 
05/29/16

Comments:
Hello out there. I haven't posted in a while, but here I is! :) I hope you are all well and thriving. I was recently laid off from my job of 13 years. My identity feels suddenly shifted, but I trust the center that is me remains. As a childless woman, I'm left to work harder to fully appreciate who I am beyond the former connection to my job, to know that I continue to journey to myself, bringing others into my orbit and doing my part to encourage and help them become themselves. I welcome your voices. All the best, Bayla Sheva


Elliot Jager 
01/03/16

Comments:
May I take the liberty of sharing with the community the publication of my book The Pater: My Father, My Judaism, My Childlessness?

Do visit the book's Facebook page to learn more. 

Elliot


Anna Olswanger 
11/01/15

Comments:
The OHEL Northern New Jersey Regional Family Center in Teaneck has offered to facilitate one or two sessions of a discussion group/conversation with older, childless Jews in the area, if there is a minimum of eight participants. The sessions are open to any Jewish woman or man past normal child-bearing age, who believes he or she may never have children, either biologically or by adoption. The conversation will bring these Jews together to explore the meaning and experience of being a childless Jewish adult. To commit to being part of the conversation, please contact Anna Olswanger by email: anna.olswanger@verizon.net.


miriam 
05/12/15

Comments:
Hi,

I would like to start a fun support group for frum women over fifty who do not have children in NYC.


Bayla Sheva 
12/16/13

Comments:
I'm researching for an article to be featured in the OU's magazine, Jewish Action, on frum women without children. Specifically women who are no longer making efforts to conceive al pi tevah. I plan to give it a very real and positive focus. Not depicting these women as having a "b'deved life," rather, one in which they search for and embrace the purpose for which Hashem put them here. If anyone is interested, please contact me. I welcome your input. brennerbs@ou.org


Arianna 
07/26/13

Comments:
The living loss is so in my face whenever I go to shul. Years ago before communities had an eruv, it was on Yom Tov that small children and babies were in shul. Now every week the strollers are lined up. It is wonderful that mothers and children are in shul regularly, but I have no place in this community anymore, because the women my age, early sixties, are already with grandchildren, some may be marrying off their youngest child. They now have machatanim and growth and expansion. I sometimes just get tired of always attending a bridal shower, giving a gift to a young kallah, that I will have nothing ever to do with, that there is no reason for me to have any contact with. She has her mother and mother-in law. I am tired of giving bar mitzvah, wedding aufruf, bar mitzvah gifts, baby gifts--I will never receive gifts for my children and grandchildren. Why must I keep on giving, just because it is the right thing to do? What do other women do in this situation? I am not jealous, just very sad and unfulfilled. You know many people today do not even send a thank you note call, they send email, which is pretty cheap frankly, no acknowledgement, at all but they do cash my check to them.


Arianna 
07/26/13

Comments:
What suggestions can be offered to help me deal with attending simchas in our community such as aufrufs, bar mitzvahs brisim, etc.? It is very painful sometimes just to be in shul Shabbos morning and then have to attend the kiddish afterward. Families grow exponentially and this is normal, the way God set up the world, but I feel like I am constricting and shrinking. It seems like mitzraim.  It is not enough to be married and prepare for Shabbos and yom tov year after year and sit joylessly with my husbaand. My community has grown, but I feel that without children I am not really a whole woman. My body has not been used to serve Hashem properly. What a wasted life I have lived. How do other women deal with this living loss? Please help me. Thank you.


Bayla Sheva 
04/28/11

Comments:

Welcome Leah Esther. I understand your sadness and sense of loss. I console myself knowing that as a Jewish woman, I can still nurture all those around me and seek out those who need my unique impact and gifts to help them thrive. I don't deny the pain when I see mothers and their children reveling in their mutual love, but I work hard on not negating my infinite value and ability to give. You are right; helping your mother is a tremendous mitzvah and I'm sure you are enriching her remaining years (to 120!) on this world. You sound like you have much to offer the right man and I hope you meet your soul mate soon.


Leah Esther 
04/12/11

Comments:
As a 64-year-old single, childless, secular Jew, I am living a life I never imagined or wanted. In my twenties and thirties, I had no shortage of passionate relationships with intelligent, attractive Jewish men but none led to marriage. I didn't dwell on my single status; I was an attractive, vibrant, highly creative, educated woman. Surely, things would 'work out' in the future. I had an exciting career as a fashion designer in New York, then became a professional writer in LA. Family and friends never treated my single status as a "failure."  However, over the years, that is exactly how I saw myself. I looked back at abortions I had in my late twenties with horror, thinking, "God is punishing me."  After caring for a mother with Alzheimer's, I now shudder at the thought of growing old without a child to care for me. The recognition I have achieved in my career feels hollow, especially at Jewish holidays when my married friends and relatives make room for me at their table. While I can think of my published works as my "children" and know that my care of my mother was indeed a mitzvot, I deeply mourn my unborn children and the act of pulling my family tree out by its roots. Thank you for giving me space to share my bereavement.


Melkha 
02/27/11

Comments:
Thank you for starting this blog. I am 61, female and childless. I desired 13 children. HaShem obviously had other plans. Today I teach Torah to men and women Jews as well as Benai Noach.
We have 10 acres located in rural TN, USA.
Normally life is good, until someone says I am less Jewish because I have not had children, thus betraying the design of HaShem.
My home is the local shul. While I have not had children I do have a bemah in my living room.


Bayla Sheva 
02/27/11

Comments:
Welcome, Lisa. Thank you for joining us. I would like to hear your story. I could use the chizuk. :) How should I get you email address? Thank you. Wishing you many reasons to smile today and every day!


lisa cain 
02/26/11

Comments:
bs"d
I am very glad to see a website supporting this issue. I have much to tell about my many childless decades, and what has kept me going, including many things which can only be described as miracles. I would be glad to share my story with those who would like to hear it, but since some of it is quite private, I prefer that anyone interested would contact me directly, and not publish it on this website....
I wish all of us, most of all, peace of mind and hope.
Lisa


Bayla Sheva 
01/23/11

Comments:

Dear "Hiding," WELCOME! First and foremost, you are a valuable Yid. In the frum world, with the constant focus on marriage and children, someone who is not in either parsha often feels very much outside of life, alone on the periphery. I became Torah observant in my early thirties and remained unmarried for many years following, so I understand the loneliness, pain and that awful "marginalized" feeling. I still experience it big time. That's why this kind of forum is so vital for me. You have friends here who understand and value you for your essence; you have so much to offer the world every single moment. I'm so glad you brought your unique voice to these pages. Please continue. Wishing you bracha and sending a warm smile, Bayla Sheva


Hiding 
01/22/11

Comments:
This is a very good website.  I am left wondering, unmarried and childless.
I am told to wait, God has plans.  I do not feel it.  What is the "frum" Jewish
world, but family and children?  Without either, I am not.


Bayla Sheva 
12/29/10

Comments:

I married later in life and wanted very much to build a family. My husband has children from his previous marriage and, although I am glad he was able to fulfill the mitzvah, it causes further isolation in a certain way. When one of his daughters got married in her hometown (where his former wife still resides), I made sure to bring along a friend, as I watched the parents of the kallah revel in this joyous day. I saw it as an opportunity to be "big." I knew that's what Hashem wanted of me. I'm ashamed to say, I don't know how to face it when his daughter IY"H becomes pregnant; my husband will be the zeidy and his former wife the bubby and I haven't had a child. owch. I also avoid attending any public gatherings and simchas. The talk at the table inevitably is about children (nonstop). I live on a VERY fertile block in Brooklyn (average of 10 children per home, including my neighbors just below me). I have to avert my eyes as I pass the hoards of children and mommies on each corner as they wait for the school buses. I so need to speak with women in my situation about the pain, isolation, and feeling of spiritual inferiority. We each have unique strengths to give to the world. Hovos HaLevovos teaches (correct me if I have the wrong source please) that we are here to do mitzvos and pass nisyonos; he does not say "to have children." Here is an article I wrote in an effort to give myself and others in this situation chizuk. I used a pseudonym:


http://www.aish.com/f/hotm/48956846.html


Wishing you all the clarity you need to feel a strong sense of self worth. Every Yid is a gem. Thank you for sharing and allowing me the forum to do the same. It helped. :)


Anna Olswanger 
12/28/10

Comments:

Rabbi Michael Torczyner, the head of the Yeshiva University Toronto Kollel, wrote about the Yerusha website on his "The Rebbetzin's Husband" blog:


http://rechovot.blogspot.com/2010/12/childlessness-in-jewish-community.html 


Please visit the page and post your comments both there and in this Forum.


Thank you.


Anna Olswanger


Bayla Sheva 
12/20/10

Comments:

I had a challenging night last night. I went to a fundraising dinner for a yeshiva that I write a newsletter for (excuse the hanging preposition). I could tell throughout the day that something was bugging me. I was pushing hard against a wall of resistance. I didn't want to go, but kept the wish just short of my awareness. It hit me like a tonnabricks while there. Suffice it to say that every conversation and speech centered around children and building a strong Jewish future through our children. The women at my table gushed nonstop about their children children children. During the slide show featuring the talmidim engaged in their learning, they'd bellow: "There's my ....!" and "Oh and there's ....!" I made a quick exit and spent most of the evening in the hotel hallway hardpressed to find a place for my aching self. I think what I feared most during my bugged-filled, don't-make-me-go-PLEASE MOMMY! day was the aftermath and, indeed, the afterBATH is where I sit! and I'z workin' my way out of (hanging preposition and all!). Sigh. This is all so good for my soul and I'll get to that point with G-d's great help. In the meantime (hopefully not so MEANtime!) I'll get back to my other job at hand, on my desk! Is anyone else struggling with this pervasive, seemingly incessant message that a Jewish woman's self-worth is primarily actualized through having and raising children? Please write! SOON!

 < Previous 20
Page:
Next 20 >  

Back to Yerusha